Crazy Internet Sensation Fugitive Taunts Police, Moves Me to Tears

Remember that time when I idolized the nevernude who started a dance craze at the Sasquatch Music Festival? Me neither. Anyway, I’ve got a new idol now and his name is Craig ‘Lazie’ Lynch. He’s an escaped British prisoner who’s on the run from the authorities. So why do the hell do I idolize him?

You see, I recently removed myself from Facebook because I value my personal privacy and also because I failed to find a good reason to stay (apologies to my Mafiosos). But if we’re thinking about a good reason to be on Facebook, posting pictures of yourself taunting police officers to come and find you while you’re a fugitive escaping the law would probably be the last thing anybody would come up with, right? Wrong.

If any of you was doubtin my freedom. Here’s proof. How the fuck could I get my Ahands on a bird like this in jail. ha ha.   -Lazie

So yeah, Lazie Lynch decided to create a Facebook fanpage about him being a fugitive, posting photographs and updating his status mainly to irk the British Constabulary. Talk about balls.

He’s an escaped burglar who’s daring enough to play around with British Police ire. If that’s not Rocket Powered, I don’t know what is. I definitely want to be like him some day. Oh, wait.

EDIT: He’s been caught. F my life. His Facebook page has also disappeared.

Mystery Hot Girl, Marriage and Me

This happened almost a year ago but my Christmas present to myself this year is to tell you all about it so you can laugh at/with me.

One time, I was looking to spend some extra cash because my wallet was getting too overcrowded and I decided to go spend an afternoon in Mall of Asia. I forgot why I was there, I was probably meeting with a fellow animator or something, but what does it matter, because that’s not the point. The point is: I was sipping lattes in Starbucks smoking, cogitating and totally minding my own business when all of a sudden this really hot chick took the table next to mine. I knew I had to talk to her, so I took a deep breath and approached her. Then I asked her if I could borrow the newspaper on her table because I’m smooth like that. She said it wasn’t hers anyway so I took it and walked away. Yeah, that’s how I flirt. No wonder I’m single. I thought I might as well read the newspaper because I had it now anyway and all the while I beat myself up inside my head because of how stupid my approach was.

A few minutes later, she walked up to my table and told me, “Hi, I don’t know you but I want you to father my children.” I choked on my coffee. Then she put her hands impatiently on her hips and asked, “Well?”

I probably misheard the first part of the question because she wasn’t really asking to have sex with me. Yeah, she was just asking if we could exchange cigarettes. She was smoking a different brand, I was smoking a different brand, she wanted mine, so on and so forth. I gave her one of mine and she gave me one of hers and then I said, “I would’ve just given it to you if you asked for it.”

And oh my God, she looked back at me, gave me the cutest smile I have ever seen in my life and then I died. The end.

I mean, who does that? Was she into me? Who asks to exchange cigarettes with a  total stranger, that is, of course, if she wasn’t the least bit interested in me in the first place? Oh well. I’m only like this because half my friends and relatives are asking/pressuring me about marriage. I’m 22 years old ! What the hell, right?

My grandmother asked me when I was planning to get married. Then she proceeded to tell me about how one of the younger guys in the community (he’s 19) is married with kids now. She was all, “Look at Ace, he’s got a wife now,” and I was all “Yeah? Well, I have a future.”

Then two of my friends became a couple and some of my other friends told me I’m getting left behind. I told them, “I don’t think having a girlfriend means moving forward in life. Look at you, you’ve been with your boyfriend for almost a decade and you’re more miserable than I am.”

I’m single, yes, but I secretly don’t want to be single but I also secretly don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s like a chapel inside a hospital. The place saves lives but it makes space for the possibility that sometimes, it can’t. I know, it’s a horrible analogy but it’s the closest one I could think of.

For the record, I am not going to get married until I reach the ripe old age of 30 and I’m a millionaire. So next time you feel like asking me, why don’t you go f*cking die in a hole.

Rabid Adventures (Part 2)

It’s over. My life is saved. I got the fourth and last anti-rabies shot and the sun is shining and my sinuses are clear and the flowers are yellow and my fingernails are clean. The downside: I’m not a werewolf (or a were-dog). Oh well, at least I still have more time to write nonsense about Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world.

Also, Happy Holidays to all.

Read. Rocket. Powered. Stuff. Forever.

A Big Woot For Global Warming Skeptics

Have you ever seen ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ by Al Gore? One of my professors back in film school made me watch it and I have to admit it was pretty convincing. Yeah, if you’re a stupid narrow-minded idiot who jumps at conclusions based on second-hand information! Ha!

Last November, the UK’s top climate research facility, the University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit was breached by an unknown identity where tons of information including e-mails and documents were leaked onto the Internet exposing possible corruption of AGW (Anthropogenic Global Warming) data. Apparently, the earth is not warming up. It’s actually cooling down and so the brilliant scientists at CRU decided to do a little “trick” to meddle with the findings a little bit in order to maintain the current global warming hysteria.

Excerpt from one of the e-mails: “I’ve just completed Mike’s Nature trick of adding in the real temps to each series for the last 20 years (ie from 1981 onwards) amd from 1961 for Keith’s to hide the decline.”

Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that humans and their CO2 emissions are not causing climate change, therefore the whole idea of AGW is a massive lie. Here’s the thing: as far as I’m concerned, climate change is a natural phenomenon. In case you haven’t noticed, the climate is always changing and therefore reducing our carbon footprint because of it is big bag of bullshit. So why do the Western overlords want the whole world to believe this whole ‘man-made’ global warming agenda? And how the hell does this issue affect ordinary people like you and I?

Image from climateprogress.org

There’s a lot of possible motives, actually, although I don’t want to discuss those. I only want to discuss why this issue matters (if at all) to us.

Firstly, the people who live in highly developed countries, i.e. the First World, all seem to advocate AGW and the ‘going green’ movement. A lot of corporations have invested millions in reducing their carbon emissions and an entire industry was built around it. In fact, these same countries, with the help of the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), have restricted the less developed countries of the world to use industries which might worsen global warming. In simpler terms, the First World is preventing the Third World from achieving any industrialization and progress all for the sake of environmental awareness.

Well, I’m being unfair. The First World isn’t really preventing progress in the Third World. In fact, they’re all for it, I think. That’s why they want these poor countries to use renewable sources of energy to fuel their operations instead. The cruelty arises from the fact that renewable energy like solar and wind power are very expensive. So basically, they’re telling dirt-poor people that they can’t have electricity unless they buy expensive and unreliable technology. So they’re not 100% cruel. They’re probably just 90% cruel. You know what, thinking about how people in Africa are dying in hospitals because medical equipment cannot function without electricity, I think it’s more like 98% cruel. So yeah.

Secondly, I just hate the fact that science have been corrupted by politics to the extent that they’ve resorted to falsifying, modifying and generally manipulating observed data. Science is the only thing I believe in and now I’m finding out it does not really transcend politics. It’s just so disillusioning. Anyway, moving on…

I’m not saying you guys should now start “lootin’ and pollutin’” (obscure cartoon reference ftw) just because global warming is a hoax. We should still take care of our environment. All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t hinder other people’s lives just because a bunch of whales or polar bears are dying. Last time I checked, human life is more valuable than any of those endangered species combined.

In conclusion, global warming is real. It happens. The earth heats up. It’s all natural. But thinking that humans are behind it and that we should then let the rest of the world live a Stone Age-esque existence because of this belief means you’re a Nazi and you deserve a horrible, painful and slow death. Not convinced? Google “climategate”.

I wonder how Richard Gutierrez, Mr. I’m-the-Philippine-Environmental-Champion, would comment about this. Meh, what does it matter? He’s just a pretty face reading from an idiot board.

AGW is not cool, but you definitely are, so learn more facts first before making any judgment, and continue reading my blog for more Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world!

Happy Not Thanksgiving Day

I don’t believe it. I’ve had plenty of people greet me “Happy Thanksgiving Day!” today. You people do realize that the Philippines don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, right? If I remember correctly, there were no pilgrims, indians and turkeys in our history. Why don’t you guys re-channel your misplaced holiday spirit and save it for a more relevant holiday like, oh I don’t know, Bonifacio Day on the 30th. I’m surprised the people so eager to celebrate an alien holiday doesn’t even bother to greet fellow Filipinos “Happy Bonifacio Day!”

So advanced Happy Bonifacio Day to you, and continue reading my blog for more Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world!