This happened almost a year ago but my Christmas present to myself this year is to tell you all about it so you can laugh at/with me.
One time, I was looking to spend some extra cash because my wallet was getting too overcrowded and I decided to go spend an afternoon in Mall of Asia. I forgot why I was there, I was probably meeting with a fellow animator or something, but what does it matter, because that’s not the point. The point is: I was sipping lattes in Starbucks smoking, cogitating and totally minding my own business when all of a sudden this really hot chick took the table next to mine. I knew I had to talk to her, so I took a deep breath and approached her. Then I asked her if I could borrow the newspaper on her table because I’m smooth like that. She said it wasn’t hers anyway so I took it and walked away. Yeah, that’s how I flirt. No wonder I’m single. I thought I might as well read the newspaper because I had it now anyway and all the while I beat myself up inside my head because of how stupid my approach was.
A few minutes later, she walked up to my table and told me, “Hi, I don’t know you but I want you to father my children.” I choked on my coffee. Then she put her hands impatiently on her hips and asked, “Well?”
I probably misheard the first part of the question because she wasn’t really asking to have sex with me. Yeah, she was just asking if we could exchange cigarettes. She was smoking a different brand, I was smoking a different brand, she wanted mine, so on and so forth. I gave her one of mine and she gave me one of hers and then I said, “I would’ve just given it to you if you asked for it.”
And oh my God, she looked back at me, gave me the cutest smile I have ever seen in my life and then I died. The end.
I mean, who does that? Was she into me? Who asks to exchange cigarettes with a total stranger, that is, of course, if she wasn’t the least bit interested in me in the first place? Oh well. I’m only like this because half my friends and relatives are asking/pressuring me about marriage. I’m 22 years old ! What the hell, right?
My grandmother asked me when I was planning to get married. Then she proceeded to tell me about how one of the younger guys in the community (he’s 19) is married with kids now. She was all, “Look at Ace, he’s got a wife now,” and I was all “Yeah? Well, I have a future.”
Then two of my friends became a couple and some of my other friends told me I’m getting left behind. I told them, “I don’t think having a girlfriend means moving forward in life. Look at you, you’ve been with your boyfriend for almost a decade and you’re more miserable than I am.”
I’m single, yes, but I secretly don’t want to be single but I also secretly don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s like a chapel inside a hospital. The place saves lives but it makes space for the possibility that sometimes, it can’t. I know, it’s a horrible analogy but it’s the closest one I could think of.
For the record, I am not going to get married until I reach the ripe old age of 30 and I’m a millionaire. So next time you feel like asking me, why don’t you go f*cking die in a hole.
Must I present myself in such a state
and brave your brightness with unworthy words?
Without effects, must I remain and wait?
Or seize the opportunity, converse?
What shame! I have not many glorious robes
to even match the glory of your skin!
No rings; no handkerchiefs as white as doves;
no thing to capture your attention in.
Except in one where my faith lies the most,
that which no man may dare to trespass on.
My wish, you take this measure that I boast:
my mind, the only treasure that I don.
And yet your eyes display only despair,
my heart and mind, they rend beyond repair.
I wrote this sonnet for a class and nearly forgotten it.
Luckily, a good friend of mine reminded me of it so now it’s here for all the world to see.
This is one of the first sonnets I ever wrote so tell me what you think.
As you all know, I’m currently in self-exile and one of the things that I hoped to accomplish during this extended me-time is to learn a new language all by myself! I looked at different languages from around the world and tried to figure out which ones I can really get around to using. As of this moment, I’m pretty fluent in Filipino (Tagalog) and English with a little bit of Spanish, a combination that’s not entirely rare in the Philippines. I considered French but it’s too fancy for my taste. German is too harsh sounding, at least to me it is. Chinese and Japanese both involve studying a completely new and different alphabet and that doesn’t look too inviting. Besides, even if I do study a single language I’ll only be able to use it if I go to its place of origin and that’s not really practical unless I want to make a career out of being a linguist. So I needed a language that I can use anywhere in the world. That was when I discovered Esperanto.
If we all study Esperanto as a second language, people from different countries can speak in equal footing because we’re all using a language that is of second nature to all participants.
In 1887, a hopeful Dr. Ludwig L. Zamenhof, under the pseudonym Doktoro Esperanto (Dr. Esperanto), put together the “artificial” language Esperanto in his book entitled Unua Libro. Esperanto, which means ‘one who hopes’, hopes to be the first auxiliary language of the world. What the hell is an auxiliary language, you ask? Say, for example, you saved enough money to finally quit your job and go to that backpacking trip across Europe you’ve always daydreamed about. In preparation for this lifelong dream, you studied French, Spanish, Greek, Italian, German, Portuguese, Romanian, Swedish, Norwegian, Russian, and Polish because you wanted to be able to speak well with the people of the countries in your itinerary, and maybe because you were just so obsessive-compulsive. Now imagine if there was just one language that you can study and still communicate well with the different peoples of the world. Just one language? Hell yeah, sign me up now! That was the idea behind the formulation of Esperanto. No, the backpacking trip wasn’t part of it, but the concept of an international language was. If we all study Esperanto as a second language, people from different countries can speak in equal footing because we’re all using a language that is of second nature to all participants.
So anyway, I discovered this little tutoring website which offers an email correspondence with a certified Esperanto speaker. After you sign up for the course, you will be assigned a “tutor” who will help you with general stuff and answer some of the questions you have that isn’t on the course. At the end of each lesson, there are exercises which you have to answer and then email the answers to your “tutor” who will then check if you got them correctly. They’re just basic courses but the website also offers advanced courses for those who already has some background in speaking Esperanto. After the ten lessons, you get to print out this cute little certificate which means you have completed the course. Then you can give yourself a nice pat on the back and continue on to the advanced courses.
Why is this important? Besides the noble objective Esperanto has since its inception, I also plan to use it as the official language of an underground anarchist society in the novel that I’m writing. Esperanto was formed with hopes that someday the world would be united enough to speak one language and this cool motive definitely qualifies Esperanto as a Rocket Powered Stuff. Kudos to Dr. Zamenhof a.k.a. Dr. Esperanto and continue reading my blog for more Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world.