Remember that time when I idolized the nevernude who started a dance craze at the Sasquatch Music Festival? Me neither. Anyway, I’ve got a new idol now and his name is Craig ‘Lazie’ Lynch. He’s an escaped British prisoner who’s on the run from the authorities. So why do the hell do I idolize him?
You see, I recently removed myself from Facebook because I value my personal privacy and also because I failed to find a good reason to stay (apologies to my Mafiosos). But if we’re thinking about a good reason to be on Facebook, posting pictures of yourself taunting police officers to come and find you while you’re a fugitive escaping the law would probably be the last thing anybody would come up with, right? Wrong.
If any of you was doubtin my freedom. Here’s proof. How the fuck could I get my Ahands on a bird like this in jail. ha ha. -Lazie
So yeah, Lazie Lynch decided to create a Facebook fanpage about him being a fugitive, posting photographs and updating his status mainly to irk the British Constabulary. Talk about balls.
He’s an escaped burglar who’s daring enough to play around with British Police ire. If that’s not Rocket Powered, I don’t know what is. I definitely want to be like him some day. Oh, wait.
EDIT: He’s been caught. F my life. His Facebook page has also disappeared.
This happened almost a year ago but my Christmas present to myself this year is to tell you all about it so you can laugh at/with me.
One time, I was looking to spend some extra cash because my wallet was getting too overcrowded and I decided to go spend an afternoon in Mall of Asia. I forgot why I was there, I was probably meeting with a fellow animator or something, but what does it matter, because that’s not the point. The point is: I was sipping lattes in Starbucks smoking, cogitating and totally minding my own business when all of a sudden this really hot chick took the table next to mine. I knew I had to talk to her, so I took a deep breath and approached her. Then I asked her if I could borrow the newspaper on her table because I’m smooth like that. She said it wasn’t hers anyway so I took it and walked away. Yeah, that’s how I flirt. No wonder I’m single. I thought I might as well read the newspaper because I had it now anyway and all the while I beat myself up inside my head because of how stupid my approach was.
A few minutes later, she walked up to my table and told me, “Hi, I don’t know you but I want you to father my children.” I choked on my coffee. Then she put her hands impatiently on her hips and asked, “Well?”
I probably misheard the first part of the question because she wasn’t really asking to have sex with me. Yeah, she was just asking if we could exchange cigarettes. She was smoking a different brand, I was smoking a different brand, she wanted mine, so on and so forth. I gave her one of mine and she gave me one of hers and then I said, “I would’ve just given it to you if you asked for it.”
And oh my God, she looked back at me, gave me the cutest smile I have ever seen in my life and then I died. The end.
I mean, who does that? Was she into me? Who asks to exchange cigarettes with a total stranger, that is, of course, if she wasn’t the least bit interested in me in the first place? Oh well. I’m only like this because half my friends and relatives are asking/pressuring me about marriage. I’m 22 years old ! What the hell, right?
My grandmother asked me when I was planning to get married. Then she proceeded to tell me about how one of the younger guys in the community (he’s 19) is married with kids now. She was all, “Look at Ace, he’s got a wife now,” and I was all “Yeah? Well, I have a future.”
Then two of my friends became a couple and some of my other friends told me I’m getting left behind. I told them, “I don’t think having a girlfriend means moving forward in life. Look at you, you’ve been with your boyfriend for almost a decade and you’re more miserable than I am.”
I’m single, yes, but I secretly don’t want to be single but I also secretly don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s like a chapel inside a hospital. The place saves lives but it makes space for the possibility that sometimes, it can’t. I know, it’s a horrible analogy but it’s the closest one I could think of.
For the record, I am not going to get married until I reach the ripe old age of 30 and I’m a millionaire. So next time you feel like asking me, why don’t you go f*cking die in a hole.
Hi everybody! It’s Friday the Nov. 13th and you know what that means? That’s right: tons of bad luck for us mere mortals. My bad luck moment this particular Ft13 involves 4 angry dogs, 3 fingers, 2 shots and a trip to the hospital. Yep, I was mauled. Well, not really. 4 dogs were having a fight, and I stupidly tried to play human referee. (For future reference: when dogs disagree, let them sort it out themselves. Don’t try to help. At all.) As a result, my right hand got bitten pretty bad. Two of my fingers (thumb and middle) got lacerations, with the middle one having 2 so it was considered severe. My forefinger had a deep puncture wound right on the tip. The rest of my hand were full of minor scratches. Don’t even ask why I used my hand to stop the dog fight. Seriously, don’t ask. The picture shows my thumb and forefinger. They were bleeding a lot earlier, but I tied up my wrist to help slow it down.
I went to the hospital to get anti-rabies and anti-tetanus shots. The doctor told me I need 2440 IUs/12.2 cc of E.R.I.G. which is the main anti-rabies vaccine. Rabies doesn’t have treatment, unfortunately, so everything needs to be pre-emptive. They told me once the symptoms begin to occur, there’s really nothing anybody can do. Ultimately, I’m gonna die. To make matters worse, the doctor told me that if I die, I’m not going to be resurrected as a werewolf. He said he was 100% sure of this. Too bad.
I still need around 4 more shots over the course of 30 days. I also need to hope none of the dogs who bit me suddenly end up dead because my soul is now linked with them through some sort of black magic. If they die, I die. I’m not even kidding. That’s what the doctor said. Really.
Rabies is deadly so it’s not Rocket Powered. So don’t get bit and hope I’m still alive to write about more Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world!