This is a poem by Maurice Ogden that really spoke to me:
Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame,
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And he built his frame on the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide,
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime,
The Hangman judged with the yellow twist
Of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
This happened almost a year ago but my Christmas present to myself this year is to tell you all about it so you can laugh at/with me.
One time, I was looking to spend some extra cash because my wallet was getting too overcrowded and I decided to go spend an afternoon in Mall of Asia. I forgot why I was there, I was probably meeting with a fellow animator or something, but what does it matter, because that’s not the point. The point is: I was sipping lattes in Starbucks smoking, cogitating and totally minding my own business when all of a sudden this really hot chick took the table next to mine. I knew I had to talk to her, so I took a deep breath and approached her. Then I asked her if I could borrow the newspaper on her table because I’m smooth like that. She said it wasn’t hers anyway so I took it and walked away. Yeah, that’s how I flirt. No wonder I’m single. I thought I might as well read the newspaper because I had it now anyway and all the while I beat myself up inside my head because of how stupid my approach was.
A few minutes later, she walked up to my table and told me, “Hi, I don’t know you but I want you to father my children.” I choked on my coffee. Then she put her hands impatiently on her hips and asked, “Well?”
I probably misheard the first part of the question because she wasn’t really asking to have sex with me. Yeah, she was just asking if we could exchange cigarettes. She was smoking a different brand, I was smoking a different brand, she wanted mine, so on and so forth. I gave her one of mine and she gave me one of hers and then I said, “I would’ve just given it to you if you asked for it.”
And oh my God, she looked back at me, gave me the cutest smile I have ever seen in my life and then I died. The end.
I mean, who does that? Was she into me? Who asks to exchange cigarettes with a total stranger, that is, of course, if she wasn’t the least bit interested in me in the first place? Oh well. I’m only like this because half my friends and relatives are asking/pressuring me about marriage. I’m 22 years old ! What the hell, right?
My grandmother asked me when I was planning to get married. Then she proceeded to tell me about how one of the younger guys in the community (he’s 19) is married with kids now. She was all, “Look at Ace, he’s got a wife now,” and I was all “Yeah? Well, I have a future.”
Then two of my friends became a couple and some of my other friends told me I’m getting left behind. I told them, “I don’t think having a girlfriend means moving forward in life. Look at you, you’ve been with your boyfriend for almost a decade and you’re more miserable than I am.”
I’m single, yes, but I secretly don’t want to be single but I also secretly don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s like a chapel inside a hospital. The place saves lives but it makes space for the possibility that sometimes, it can’t. I know, it’s a horrible analogy but it’s the closest one I could think of.
For the record, I am not going to get married until I reach the ripe old age of 30 and I’m a millionaire. So next time you feel like asking me, why don’t you go f*cking die in a hole.
Have you ever seen ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ by Al Gore? One of my professors back in film school made me watch it and I have to admit it was pretty convincing. Yeah, if you’re a stupid narrow-minded idiot who jumps at conclusions based on second-hand information! Ha!
Last November, the UK’s top climate research facility, the University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit was breached by an unknown identity where tons of information including e-mails and documents were leaked onto the Internet exposing possible corruption of AGW (Anthropogenic Global Warming) data. Apparently, the earth is not warming up. It’s actually cooling down and so the brilliant scientists at CRU decided to do a little “trick” to meddle with the findings a little bit in order to maintain the current global warming hysteria.
Excerpt from one of the e-mails: “I’ve just completed Mike’s Nature trick of adding in the real temps to each series for the last 20 years (ie from 1981 onwards) amd from 1961 for Keith’s to hide the decline.”
Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that humans and their CO2 emissions are not causing climate change, therefore the whole idea of AGW is a massive lie. Here’s the thing: as far as I’m concerned, climate change is a natural phenomenon. In case you haven’t noticed, the climate is always changing and therefore reducing our carbon footprint because of it is big bag of bullshit. So why do the Western overlords want the whole world to believe this whole ‘man-made’ global warming agenda? And how the hell does this issue affect ordinary people like you and I?
There’s a lot of possible motives, actually, although I don’t want to discuss those. I only want to discuss why this issue matters (if at all) to us.
Firstly, the people who live in highly developed countries, i.e. the First World, all seem to advocate AGW and the ‘going green’ movement. A lot of corporations have invested millions in reducing their carbon emissions and an entire industry was built around it. In fact, these same countries, with the help of the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), have restricted the less developed countries of the world to use industries which might worsen global warming. In simpler terms, the First World is preventing the Third World from achieving any industrialization and progress all for the sake of environmental awareness.
Well, I’m being unfair. The First World isn’t really preventing progress in the Third World. In fact, they’re all for it, I think. That’s why they want these poor countries to use renewable sources of energy to fuel their operations instead. The cruelty arises from the fact that renewable energy like solar and wind power are very expensive. So basically, they’re telling dirt-poor people that they can’t have electricity unless they buy expensive and unreliable technology. So they’re not 100% cruel. They’re probably just 90% cruel. You know what, thinking about how people in Africa are dying in hospitals because medical equipment cannot function without electricity, I think it’s more like 98% cruel. So yeah.
Secondly, I just hate the fact that science have been corrupted by politics to the extent that they’ve resorted to falsifying, modifying and generally manipulating observed data. Science is the only thing I believe in and now I’m finding out it does not really transcend politics. It’s just so disillusioning. Anyway, moving on…
I’m not saying you guys should now start “lootin’ and pollutin’” (obscure cartoon reference ftw) just because global warming is a hoax. We should still take care of our environment. All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t hinder other people’s lives just because a bunch of whales or polar bears are dying. Last time I checked, human life is more valuable than any of those endangered species combined.
In conclusion, global warming is real. It happens. The earth heats up. It’s all natural. But thinking that humans are behind it and that we should then let the rest of the world live a Stone Age-esque existence because of this belief means you’re a Nazi and you deserve a horrible, painful and slow death. Not convinced? Google “climategate”.
I wonder how Richard Gutierrez, Mr. I’m-the-Philippine-Environmental-Champion, would comment about this. Meh, what does it matter? He’s just a pretty face reading from an idiot board.
AGW is not cool, but you definitely are, so learn more facts first before making any judgment, and continue reading my blog for more Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world!
Have you ever been to that point in your life when you think you just had too much. There’s so many things that need to be done you just wish you were a kid again when the bulk of your responsibilities was just playing with your toys and probably the occasional chore.
Well, I have. And after much thought I decided that the best possible way to approach this growing problem is to just get rid of it. Be reckless. Do whatever you want. Abandon responsibility.
Think about it. Without your responsibilities, you no longer need to worry about keeping a stable job to pay the rent or put food on the table. You no longer have to worry about gaining weight or losing weight. No more thoughts about deadlines, budgets, bills and all those other crap which do nothing but complicate your life. Quit your job! Squander your savings! Simplify life!
Lose all the stuff you thought you need like the television, the radio or the washing machine. Throw away your cellphone! Delete your Facebook and Yahoo accounts! Be the man that nature intended you to be, the hunter-gatherer kind of man which doesn’t worry about education, social responsibility, human rights or any other of those garbage!
Your responsibilities are only adding more weight to your increasingly tired and stressed out mind. Without responsibility there would be no problems, so abandon responsibility today!
Here’s a recap of my life so far…
It all started while I was threshing some wheat in the backyard when I realized somebody was watching me all the time. He introduced himself as an angel of the Lord and told me I needed to free my people from the foreigners who were trespassing in our lands. So I gathered 300 men, fought the invading Midianites and cleverly defeated them.
Afterwards, I was considered a Master Artist and Sculptor of 20th and 21st Centuries, covering a broad spectrum of genres including Abstract, Impressionism, Modernistic, Portraits and Sculpture. I created almost 20,000 pieces of work, plus my world famous masterpieces, the Gideon Holocaust Collection which I did during most parts of the 1940’s.
Then I spent some time in New York. I got pretty bored with my life so I decided to attend the Massachusetts Institute of Technology where I earned my BSME back in 1956. I also took my master’s degree course from the Sloan School of Management, also in MIT. I became the CEO and Chairman of the Gartner Group from 1979 to 1991. After, I raised up to $15 million in several tranches to fund a new and innovative group I called the GiGa Information Group in 1995. The group was so successful I was able to generate profits from 0 to $65 million in a matter of four years.
Life being rich soon became tiring so I went out and ventured in the realm of medicine where I became so successful, they named a medical platform after me, the Global Infectious Diseases Epidemiology Network or GIDEON for short. As of 2005, I was able to catalog up to 300 infectious diseases and 250 vaccines for use in the world.
That was when I realized I was immortal and a part of special form of mutants called the Externals and the adventure continues…
My father brought a huge collection of DVDs when he made his yearly home visit last month and I’ve been spending a huge deal of time trying to see them all. One of the films I saw last weekend was the first Final Destination. If you still haven’t seen it, you should. It’s no Spielberg or Scorsese but it’s still pretty okay. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that this movie actually made me think about death. It’s a grim thought I know, but it’s something no medical breakthrough can save us from; like that old saying about death being the “debt that all men pay”. Well, my thoughts aren’t exactly about how if you cheat death, it will come after you in every possible way. This kind of personifies death as a being who has a job to do and will do it no matter how clever or lucky you are, which is obviously untrue.
“The only thing I haven’t done yet is die.“
Anyway, thinking about how short your life is makes you realize the numerous things that you know you can’t possibly accomplish in a lifetime. You can look at this several ways. You can be pessimistic and be all emo about it OR you can actually try to prioritize the things which are most important to you and try to do it all before your time runs out. It doesn’t matter how mundane or monumental your life’s ambitions are, I believe that if you’re really convinced about them, you will accomplish them, despite the things (or people) that will try and get in your way. So here are a few of the things that I want to do at least once before I die:
1. Save a life.
2. Meet my soul-mate.
3. Go on an adventure.
4. Serve my country.
The fifth one is really just out of curiosity. I know I want to do a lot more things like “travel the world”, “get rich” and other generic ambitions, too, but these five are the only things that I need to do before I can happily say that the only thing I haven’t done yet is die, like Fall Out Boy.
Just to give you an idea how quickly life can end, go learn something about SADS or Sudden Adult Death Syndrome, where a fit and young person is known to die instantly for no apparent reason. It’s very real and very true. If there’s such a medical condition as SADS, hell, I think I better get started with my list before I literally drop dead.
So what about you? What are things that you really want to do before you bite the dust? Whatever it is, you better get going and continue reading my blog for more Rocket Powered Stuff from beyond the grave. Or around the world. Whatever works.