Why I Think The Philippines Is The Best Country In The World

Posted in My Views in Exile by Rocket Boy Gid on August 17, 2009

Remember that time when you heard the news that the country has achieved the title of being the “texting capital of the world” and felt tearfully proud about it? Me neither. Really more on the feeling tearfully proud part than on the remembering part. Because seriously, with all the media buzz about it you have to be living under a rock, in a cave, remotely on one of our 7100 islands while being a complete catatonic vegetable under the influence of either meth or Biogesic or both, to have missed that glorious day when news programs announced the Philippines’ Biggest Accomplishment since Rizal. It was a big deal, you get the picture.

I’ve never even been a fan of text messaging, not because I prefer calling, but mainly because I think it’s dumb. There was a time when I used to wake up to at least ten messages in my phone, 3 of them telling the same joke, 1 telling the same joke but with different characters, 2 being bitter love quotes, 2 being sweet love quotes, and the last 2 reminding me about Globe’s promos. It was the best wake up feeling in the world.

Well, it’s not a surprise because the Philippines is generally a dumb country (Oooh controversy!). Come on, sure we churn out probably 1 genius for every 100 babies born but the intellectual abilities of that genius baby gets nipped in the bud by overbearing parents way before he or she reaches puberty. Don’t get me wrong, I like this country as much as the next French tourist and all for the same reasons, too: the scenery. I only like the Philippines because it looks beautiful. That’s it. Would I die protecting our natural beauty? You bet! Would I die protecting the horde of ignorant bystanders I pass by on the street everyday? Only if they were really sexy. But I digress.

I came across a report on The New York Times saying that texting makes people dumb. I will now demonstrate the consequences of these findings on our country using simple n00b logic.

Texting = Dumb People.

Philippines = Texting Capital of the World.

Philippines = Dumb People Capital of the World.

“The act of texting automatically removes 10 I.Q. points,” said Paul Saffo, a technology trend forecaster in Silicon Valley. “The truth of the matter is there are hobbies that are incompatible. You don’t want to do mushroom-hunting and bird-watching at the same time, and it is the same with texting and other activities.”

What the hell happened? How did we become that Dumb Country? Well, between the government leading us on a downward spiral towards an abyss of rubble and a culture reinforced by promoting unoriginal imitating media, I think it’s a toss up, really. Okay, enough talking about the problem, let’s talk about a solution.

PGMA stays true to her oath.Let’s see, what can a person like me, a reasonably attractive twenty-something middle class semi-professional person, do to help solve this problem? I know, why not write a blog post about it? It’s what any other reasonably attractive twenty-something middle class semi-professional person would do too, right? I mean look at what good we’ve done the country so far. We have made the government turn their back against their ungodly and fairly stupid methods of governance. The world has been set right. No, wait, it hasn’t. Blogging protests over the Internet is pretty much the equivalent of trying to make ripples in a frozen pond. (Making this post a cross between hypocrisy and irony… Hyporony? Irocrisy? No good.)

Hmm so what other options do I have? Well if protesting over teh Internatz isn’t cutting it, the next possible way would be to go march through the streets in a rally. Yeah, it’s the first thing that came to my mind, too! It’s such a brilliant idea. I’m sure the government would be stirred if we make a paper mache likeness of PGMA and set it on fire in front of the Palace. I mean, it worked the last 342 times, didn’t it? No? It didn’t? Damn.

So can we just follow the media’s, my mother’s and the government’s method of solving problems, then? Yeah let’s just throw the blame around. It’s the Americans’ fault. It’s Erap’s fault. It’s the MILF’s fault. There, I feel much better. Don’t you? Everyone feels better after a good blame-game session. I guess that’s why we’re also one of the happiest people in the world. Ignorance is bliss. Uhh wait, wrong platitude. Philippines is bliss. Perfect.



Posted in Rocket Powered Stuff by Rocket Boy Gid on February 20, 2009

This week has been all about money. My family had money problems. I discovered I’ve ran out of money. Even the Desperate Housewives episode is all about money. So with all the hints the universe have been clearly dropping, I’ve decided to finally write a post about money, which in and of itself can be considered the honor of being Rocket Powered Stuff, simply because money is so awesome.

Is money that scary?

I’m going go to go ahead and assume that you would be lying if you said you didn’t need money. Everyone needs money. The only people who I think is really detached from money are bushmen from Africa or really obscure hill tribes in Central Asia, but even they have some sort of standard of exchange of goods, which I guess can still be considered money. Even rich people need money, they just don’t notice it because they’ve got plenty (jerks). The thing about it is it’s usually a taboo topic.

People don’t go around discussing how much money they have or how much money they can make. While I think Filipinos are tactless about certain stuff like commenting about how fat you’ve gotten as casual as if it wouldn’t hurt feelings, they’re still a bit awkward about discussing money with each other. I think it’ll be more acceptable to admit you’re a flaming homo than to talk about money with your friends. It seems like it’s a readily avoided topic, which is totally bullshit since it’s probably the root of all their problems. They’ll make time to discuss useless television celebrities, but they’ll get really awkward if you ask them how much they’re making in their job. I just don’t get it.

I think we should openly talk about money more. I mean we talk openly about sex all the time, why can’t we talk about something that’s actually relevant like money.

My father called us (via Skype, thank you Internet technology) and told us he received an email telling him that somebody saw my grandmother (his mother) walking to the market place. The email reported that when asked why she was walking, my grandmother would answer she didn’t have fare money. It was incredibly disturbing. Before I decided to exile myself in Cavite, I lived with my grandparents in Cainta and I love them so much. I never knew that things were getting financially bad until my father received the email. My grandmother could’ve asked for money from me, I wouldn’t have minded. I’m a single guy and the only contents of my budget are my meals, my laundry and my electric bill (and the occasional movie) and those aren’t really much. I hate the fact that my grandmother couldn’t have saved herself all the money troubles by asking me for some help. She’s MY grandmother! Of course, I’d help her.

I think we should openly talk about money more. I mean we talk openly about sex all the time, why can’t we talk about something that’s actually relevant (and, honestly, more interesting) like money. We all know money is important and that we shouldn’t let it control our lives, I’m not going to elaborate examples discussing that. All I’m saying is that we should be more open about money, our feelings about it, our troubles with it and basically, just how much we sometimes need it.

So clear your convos of useless gossip and talk about money more, and continue reading my blog for more Rocket Powered Stuff from around the world!

“A Plague On Cinema Houses.”

Posted in My Views in Exile by Rocket Boy Gid on November 18, 2008

From the recent outbreak of digital movies in the Filipino film industry, I would say that “indie” (short for independent cinema) is slowly becoming a staple for the common Pinoy film fanatic’s appetite. Maybe they’ve just grown tired of the slapstick comedies and teenybopper romances that big film studios in the country produce almost every other month but whatever the reason is, independent cinema is getting tougher and tougher to ignore, not that we want to of course. So is “indie” the new mainstream?

Independent films are so named because they are produced independently by independent filmmakers with their own independent equipment and their own independent budgets. Independently, the growing population of independent film lovers are developing independent opinions about their independent passion. I think that’s enough independence. Yes, we are getting overwhelmed by their massive turnout every year but who can deny the bold and fresh styles of storytelling that’s just so different from the tired old garbage we get from the competition! Not to mention most of them are just soft porn in disguise.

The problem with crowd mentality is that Filipinos are so fond of it. Show them something witty and different and they’ll jump at it like politicians at money. Then everyone would want to be witty and different and when everyone is witty and different, everyone becomes the same. It’s the same thing with fads, that’s why I think they’re useless. We should learn from the independent philosophy. They’re trying to promote not jumping in on the old bandwagon. They’re trying to make a new bandwagon for themselves. It’s okay to be a fan, there’s no shame in admitting admiration but plain imitation is just pathetic and not really flattering. The sad thing is, I think independent filmmaking is becoming more and more of a fad and less of a super cool totally fresh new Filipino art movement. I mean, come on. Let me put it this way, will someone bet against me if I say that in the next twenty indie films that would come out, there wouldn’t be anything about a gay guy coming to age? Anyone?

The storytelling is different but the stories are slowly revealing a pattern like the Hollywood curse. They’re becoming predictable and I especially dislike going to the cinema and getting that all too familiar feeling like I think I’ve seen the movie before. I’m an ass and I don’t have faith in the new breed of independent filmmakers our culture is creating, so make your fantastic egos work and prove this ass wrong. How?

Surprise me.